On the road: no meal planning

I've been in Utah since Sunday night. And I will be staying here for about 2 weeks with a cut off this weekend when I am traveling to South Carolina for the Spartan Beast and the Spartan Super. 

No other way but to eat well. I am good at working out, I need to
improve eating habits. 

I just want to be home. I can not really plan meals. Even when I have been trying to make good choices I am not sure I have done the best choices. I need to come up with a plan and I need to come with quickly. 

Breakfast has not been too bad. Once I control the amount of coffee creamer everything goes smoothly- calorie wise. 

The mayor challenge has been that there is no snack time, not really an option and lunch is happening late. I spend more than 4 hours between breakfast and my next meal. Not good. I make bad choices when hungry, I become hangry. 

Of course then there is no other meal until dinner. And dinner won't happen until after 8pm. Of course I am starving by the time we get food and I eat everything in front of me. I need to buy snacks... portable, no perishable snacks. 

Yes, it is a struggle.  When I am at home I find it difficult to follow my meal plans, and when I am on travel I find it difficult because I can not really prepare meals. A bunch of excuses, a trick to avoid feeling guilty. The truth is that I can make better choices. No one forces me to eat what I have been eating, and I am certainly allowed to have snacks for when I need them. 

I will make better choices. I am making better choices. I need to keep this commitment with myself. If I want to keep loosing weight, and keep the weight lost, off then I need to pay attention and take care of myself. One day I won't even have to think about this. 

Lets keep trying one more time. 

Until next time. 

Life happens and you move on

All this time and it is still difficult to handle it: CHANGE.
Career change, lifestyle change, new boy-ex-friend; new temporary locations, "no" time, no downtime anymore...

I travel frequently for work. When I travel I am in charge of 30+ people's travel arrangements that usually include: international flights, land transportation, and on occasion, water transportation.
It could probably be said that when I travel I become the mom of all the people I travel with.
It is difficult to make time to workout. I don't directly make the decisions of the food that is available, and that makes it difficult to keep a specific meal plan or keeping my eating habits the best they can be.

Yes. All of these are excuses. Excuses that we all use on a daily basis. I use them all the time. And to this day I am not exactly sure how or why I keep loosing weight. The reality is that I eat junk food all the time... I give in. The proof? I gained 10lbs in the last month. I was drinking every night, eating extra carbs for the races and really not giving a shit of the food I was putting on my mind. Not that I ever put so much effort in the first place.

I am not exactly clear on how I keep on track with all the craziness. I do have noticed that I am more aware of the decisions I make regarding food. I negotiate with myself when I want something sweet. I try to share the sweet goodies instead of eating them all. There are however certain foods that just trigger binge eating (like Nutella... cakes...baked sweets...etc.) so I try to stay weary of them.
And even when I occasionally get them, I know is a bad decision. I know is bad. Do i stop myself? Not really. Not always. Lately, I do stop myself more often.

I try to use more the stairs and when I have a break, I jump around, swim, hop into as treadmill or simply take the longer route and go for a walk. I try to stretch every day, and when there is no workouts in sight, I stretch for longer periods.

I am nowhere close to where I wish I be. I have done half marathons, I do Spartan Races, I run 5ks and 10ks. So much more than I ever thought I could do, and yet my body does not change the way I wish it would.

Yes. I lost the weight, I'm good physical condition, I am healthy and I feel great. Why on earth is that  not enough? I know I can do better. I am happy for the road covered. The experiences lived. I am proud of myself. There is no questions about that. However, I am ambitious. I want to be stronger. I want to be leaner (but i have not put the amount of effort i need to).

And even when i hate this, there is a beauty in this getting fit/ healthy/ loosing weight journey. You can not fake being strong. You can not fake being in good physical condition. Yes, there are people out there with good genetics, great mind control and are able to achieve things quicker. I like is taking as much time as is taking. I am actually making changes that are sticking with me.

I am struggling, which means I keep trying. I am trying. Can i do a better job? Of course I can!
This journey has no deadline however (except the 15lbs I want to loose by December this year).

I tried so many times before to loose weight, but no technique/ method would work. And now I understand why: they are not designed for me. These diets, these methods are generic versions. A once size fits all. We forget however that is a "once size fits most". I keep educating myself on nutrition, on working out properly. This journey is MY JOURNEY. It has to be designed for me, by me! I am the only one that can listen to my own body. I am the only one that knows when I can keep pushing and when it is time to stop. I can as well say when a workout is too easy or when a change is not going to accomplish much. So evaluate yourself and assess your own routine and diet.

Usually all we need is to track everything we have done to identify what to change if we are not seeing results.

Change will happen. Want it or not. It is LIFE itself. Change is great even when it does not feels so great sometimes. Once we accept this, we can take it, not problems. Nothing last forever, not even pain. It is better to change because you want to, than because you need too.

Until next time~

Moving forward-- down in the scale

Self:

Lets be honest. Please, lets just cut the crap for once and for all. Changes take time. Unfortunately, most of the time those changes are imperceptible. I worked out, changes my eating habits and and transformed my lifestyle in January 2013. Even when sometimes the weight went down, it felt like nothing was really happening.

Summer came, and soon enough I was doing my first obstacle race (or any race) of my life. I accepted the invitation of my trainer to join his team for the Virginia Super Spartan Race. The venue: Wintergreen. My thoughts... none. I had no idea what to expect. I was sure I was not ready, I was sure my chances of running the entire curse were none. I was sure I was going to be the slowest of the entire team. And all these facts terrified me. But fear do not define us, what define us is what we do with the fear. I used for motivation to train, and given the short time frame, I had nothing else but to hope for the best.

We got there. A ski resort. What did I knew about it? Nothing. So no much thought went into it.
We got our bibs, we got in line, our time was up. First stretch: uphills. My thoughts: "WTF I am doing this? Oh, right, I wanted this." Not a big deal, we kept going. We all paired each other for what we thought would be people on the same running pace. That way we could all help each other one way or the other.

One team mate struggled. And we waited, we hold on to each other. We tried. We met a group of veterans that were running the race: Wounded Warriors.

What a group of amazing people! Some couldn't run physically, however it was obvious they were running. They were killing it.

Our team mate decided he couldn't keep going. And I assume is ok. These races are not everyone's cup of tea. However this guy decided to quit in front of one of these veterans. WTF dude!? How dare you complain because you are out of shape. Not cool. Not cool.

So we kept going. At this point the team was divided in two groups: the "faster ones" and the ones that kept stopping for this guy that quitted on us. But we kept going.

All the sudden, I was officially the snail of the group. My calves where cramping so bad they gave up on me. We have been on the trails for hours to end and we still had terrain to cover. None of us had food. I was the only one with a camelpack. We truly did not knew exactly what to expect. We did, but we didn't.

We were hiking double diamonds slopes... I never saw people running them up. I was crying, I started crawling--literally crawling up hill! I was in pain. I felt terrible that my team mates had to wait for me. But I kept going. We kept moving until the light at the end of the tunnel started shining upon us! Is was starting to get dark and we were getting close to the finish line. We finished: 8hrs in that terrain. We were tired and hungry. I crossed the finish line and started crying, this time out of surprise, over joy, accomplishment, I don't know.

subtle changes. But I am definitively stronger
than I used to be.

What an experience. That August 24th, 2013 changed me. I met people I am glad to call friends. I changed my perspective upon myself too. I always knew I was not a quitter, but is always hard to assess what is the breaking point. I almost broke, but then I didn't.

Once that race passed I took one day off from the gym for recovery. Next Monday, back on track. And right after the changes visible to me and everyone I knew started to appear.

To this day, I keep training and doing races and I hope in my heart I never loose the drive, the fire, the gas, that keeps the engine running. I don't think I can ever go back to a life without running, without working out, and without racing.

So far this year I completed:

1. the Charlotte Spartan Sprint
2.  Loudon County half marathon
3. the Boston to remember half marathon
4.  the Hebron 15K trail challenge
5. DC Spartan Sprint
6. Va Super Spartan Race (yes I went back!)]
7. Tri-State New Jersey Spartan Super
8. SoCal Spartan Beast (technically does not count since they cut it short down 1 mile)
9. attempted the Ohio Trifecta but got  injured and now in recovery. 

Coming soon:

10. REV3 trail running

11.South Carolina Beast 

12. South Carolina Supe and 

13. the Loudon 10K

I never in my life thought I was ever going to be able to run any race. Needless to say attempting 13 and finishing with 12. 

Don't be discouraged by slow progress. It takes time, but if you do changes and stick to them, things will fall where they have too. 

It's not cliché if it is true!

Dear Self:

Today we remember how we improved our eating habits, and how are a going to keep improving them! Is all about the choices and the small changes. They make a difference, and the better choices, the more food you can have! (once a fatty always a fatty!).

Something I have learned from my journey to fitness is one thing: people are still waiting for a magic pill or trick to loose weight.

It might not look like a lot, or it might not be fast enough, but I have
 enjoyed every single moment of this journey.

It is a bit disappointing to see the face of disappointment of the family, friends and acquaintances that ask me "how you lost the weight?" and my response is simple: "Diet and exercise."
No, I don't do crash diets, and I did not changed things from one day to the other. To this day I am still changing things, remember how I gained 10 pounds the last month? Is not because of just sitting on the couch... that does not help, but I have gone back to ignoring the wiser voice within me that advice me to make better choices... why? Well, I think I am upset with her... but that is a long story... probably a never ending story...

The point is, that in order to make the weight go away for once and for all YOU HAVE TO CHANGE. Period. Nothing else will do it.

I decided to tackle my weight problem one step at a time. First I wanted to increase physical activity. I focused on just getting myself to the gym and work out for 30 minutes daily, Sundays were optional. I started in the mornings. I would wake up at 5am and head to the gym. Half awake will hop into the elliptical and after 2 minutes I would be completely awake and just working out. I put on my headphones and just stopped my thoughts for 30 minutes. Suddenly without me realizing, those 30 minutes became my time, no one else's.

Three months passed and I was so used to got to the gym, I missed when I didn't went.
Please note that I made this time MY time. And I think it helped me  enjoy it even more. I started to like hanging out with just me.

Second step was to improve my diet. And to be honest to this day I struggle.
And I struggle because I was taught that to loose weight, you have to starve yourself, eat less so they say.

Nothing more wrong than that! I started tackling BREAKFAST! I started adding veggies into it. Veggies and fruits. I started cutting my bread portions in half. And as a born and raised Latina this is a big deal. No more pan in the mornings! What!?
My body started to get used to the new foods in the morning and I started noticing how I wouldn't crave as much for sweets. The days I missed breakfast? All over the place! Looking for food and sugar everywhere.

I noticed that I could eat so much more if I stick to smart choices! If I had egg whites with spinach and berries in the morning I could snack mid morning, have a tasty lunch (usually my biggest meal) and snack again, have dinner and snack again! Heaven for a foodie like me.

So after a few months of teaching myself these tricks, I saved some money and hired Cesar, my trainer. I met with him again, and it was a match made in heaven. Turns out he struggled with weight before becoming a personal trainer. He understood the struggle. And being Hispanic, he understood my requirement of preserving the goods: my bootie!

We met once a week for 3 months. He advised me to log my meals using My fitness pal (nope, not getting paid by them to post this, but It has been very helpful!) and stick to a caloric goal. It took me forever to listened (I am a bit stubborn) but once I started, the pounds slowly but surely starting to go away.

Cesar and I became friends. And during one of he conversations I mentioned how I wanted to do an obstacle running race. I have always wanted to. But  being out of shape I did not wanted to do one by myself. Turns out he was doing one with his friends in August, it was May. If I signed up I would only have a few months to prepare. And being out of shape and all (better shape than before but not there yet) I was terrified. I signed up. And this changed my life forever.

I will talk about my life change experience soon. For now at that moment I was making wiser choices. I was monitoring alcohol intake-- I mindless eat when drunk-- I was going to a therapist to control and manage anxiety and work with my depression. I was keeping track on everything I ate and I was putting my well being ahead of everything.

Nothing was holding me back, not even thoughts. I would complement people If I wanted to, even when sometimes the complements where slightly inappropriate. What a girl can do? If I think my trainer has a nice behind, why not tell him? He worked hard for his body, he deserves his hard work be acknowledge.

In any case, that is for today!

Self-

The Beginning

Dear Self:
It has been a while since we touch bases.

Today, I have decided to keep in touch with you more often. We embarked in this journey many times before. Last time we started, I promised it was going to be the last time we started the same journey.

Time to remember and tell our story. We are not starting over, we are recovering lost time. A set back is not the end nor the beginning. So here it is... sort of, how things started.

2012. I did not knew myself, or rather did not wanted to accept myself. 2012 was a difficult year for me. In 2011 relocated to Virginia and I reconnected with people that I thought wanted to be reconnected, and they wanted to, but not in the way I thought.
Whatever happened is not important. This is how I started talking to you and connecting with you. Read up. We are going to have a long time together.

During December 2012 I took a solo trip to one of the places I had on my bucket list since a child: ICELAND. I dream of the Northern lights, the thermal waters... the trolls! So after having a difficult year I rewarded myself the trip of my dreams! Not to my surprised, the trip became a life changing experience; but not they way I was imagine.

I found myself in a beautiful country, having great experiences and meeting great people. It was not enough. I was not happy. I was crying constantly, and even when having everything I wanted, I was so unhappy. It was time to face the facts and start making changes. I did not liked the person I was becoming; always complaining, always unhappy.

I came back and the first thing I did was enroll in the gym. It was the beginning of 2013: New year's resolutions! My first goal: workout every day.
The gym I joined provides a 30 minute free session with a personal trainer just for joining. I did not had the discipline nor the financial means to pay for a trainer, but it was free. I did prepare myself to be honest and truthful to myself and not commit to something I could not afford (resolution No. 2: Financially wise decisions).

I met Cesar. He was nice, and friendly. He was not pushy and even when he offered to sign up for the training sessions (they were on sale), he was very understanding and respectful when I explained to him that I first wanted to get into the habit of working out.

So the journey started. I imposed myself only one rule:
"If you do not feel like working out, go work out anyways. If after 15 minutes you do not feel like working out then you are allowed to leave."
The idea is simple. If I leave after 15 minutes, at least I got 15 minutes! The reality is that most of the times I would stay at least 30 minutes. In my head the conversation usually went:
- "15 minutes? Dude, if you stay 5 more minutes is 20 minutes!" 
Then when I got to 20 minutes, I would ask myself:
- "Why not 10 more minutes?"

And most of the time ended with at least a 30 minutes workout (alas only cardio).

Time passed by and I created the habit of working out, slowly changed my eating habits and made some drastic and somewhat impulsive decisions that transformed my life and my body. I lost a total of 45lbs.

In this new blog I want to tell my story. I want just to think about the journey I started back in 2013 and make myself go back on track.

I've been slacking on diet and exercise and gained 10 pounds. I know, it does not sounds like much, but I feel I am putting at risk all the effort I have put on myself and my goals. It does not matter if no one reads this, but I hope someone does.

Most people think that loosing weight is a magic trick. Is not. Is quite simple to explain: DIET and EXERCISE.

Sorry for the disappointment there. But I have news: it is very difficult. And for me I struggle the most with the DIET part.

We'll talk more about this in the upcoming posts. But rest assure, the struggle is real, and we are not alone. We (me and myself) will get where we want to.

Until next time,
Self